It happens to everyone. A situation spirals out of control, emotions get the better of us, and sometimes we make poor decisions. It’s important to keep in mind that our actions not only affect ourselves. Some actions can affect everyone in the group.  We all make mistakes. Some mistakes are understandably worse than others, especially those that border on abuse or can incite real danger to a group.  At the end of the day, poor decisions can often be forgiven (especially when considering the circumstances and taking into account the whole person). But in order to ensure that trust is not broken, and forgiveness is real, it’s important that we be proactive and honest when we come to our senses. 

Here are my thoughts on how we should handle these types of situations. Basically, practice mindful maturity, don’t be reckless, be accountable and hold each other accountable without judgment.

De-escalate then follow up

  1. If the inappropriate behavior is in progress, consider making an attempt to intervene or de-escalate the situation. You are not required to do this.  It may be difficult to intervene for many reasons. It’s a judgment call. You will not be criticized for not acting to correct someone else’s behavior. We all understand that it’s hard to see the full context during or after the fact.
  2. Once emotions have cooled, encourage the event leader who exhibits inappropriate behavior to take responsibility for their actions
  3. If the person who exhibits inappropriate behavior does not take sufficient action, you can surface your concerns in the Leadership chat. You will not face retribution for that. All leaders should recognize that it can be very difficult for the person speaking up, and the person receiving the criticism.
  4. Make sure that co-leaders attending the same event are aware of the inappropriate behavior. This does not need to include details, just a general idea that a particular leader behaved inappropriately and a general description of the behavior in question.  Co-leaders have relationships with the entire group. If gossip is circulating among attendees, the information about the inappropriate behavior can help co-leaders assure attendees that the behavior was noted and is being handled.
  5. Don’t downplay the inappropriate behavior or make excuses, no matter how you feel about the person in question.

Take responsibility for your actions    

  1. Own your behavior. Do not try to hide it or downplay it. Inform event leaders at a minimum, and participants if possible, if that is warranted. Understand that people may not want to travel with you after they hear of this behavior. That’s ok. That is their prerogative, and may have more to do with their own life experience than your behavior. But they have the right to be informed and make that decision on their own.
  2. Understand how you got in that situation, learn to recognize the situation as it starts, and adjust accordingly in the future.
  3. Report to the Leadership Chat group that an incident occurred involving yourself, and that the co-leaders have been informed, and the team is working on lessons learned.
  4. If an involved co-leader feels that you have not sufficiently addressed the situation, and you feel you’ve done all you can and should, uninvolved event leaders should discuss the situation with other co-leaders and prepare lessons learned about how this disconnect occurred and how to prevent it in the future. It may simply be that you don’t agree how something should be handled – and that’s ok. 

 Hold others accountable without judgment  

  1. Keep in mind that it will be impossible to know the full truth. Issues may not be resolved between event leaders. That’s ok, too. We don’t all have to be close friends, even though we would prefer that.
  2. Don’t retaliate against any party involved, but also, don’t downplay what occurred.
  3. It is possible to forgive someone, but then prefer to avoid associating with the same person for a time or permanently. As an event leader, that’s your choice.
  4. Be understanding, kind and forgiving while also holding people accountable.

Risk Factors for Events

Be aware that there are risk factors that contribute to these situations happening. Consider avoiding these situations.

  1. Alcohol
  2. Large events (more than 10 people)
  3. Events with more than 2 event leaders
  4. Shared spaces (particularly with other groups)
  5. Disruptive personalities
  6. Conflicting personalities